My Dad tells me that Burnley are now in the 5th round of the F.A. Cup for the first time in twenty years, which is certainly before I was born (as I am only 9 years old), and probably explains why everyone was quite happy at the end of the game. This was only my second Burnley game after the Watford defeat where the referee was rubbish, and I was quite looking forward to it. My Dad picked me up from school early, but all did not go well as the M25 was blocked because of some expensive car getting burnt out. We were then late and couldn’t park, leading to the old man missing his pre-match pint, and I had to do without my coke and crisps. Apparently there used to be pubs at each corner of the ground at one time, and we passed one of them full of Burnley fans who were speaking a language with which I am not familiar. I had to cover my ears for some reason.
The ground itself is going to be knocked down soon which is a bit of a shame for Brentford fans, but not for anyone else. The away end had the aura and all the charm of an abattoir, and was fresh out of cheese and onion crisps, which is disgraceful. I struggled a bit to get into my seat, which was more of a problem for Dad, and we had a big stanchion blocking our view. Otherwise everything was exceedingly average. The match programme had a couple of interesting Burnley-related Cup tie items. In the replayed F.A. Cup 3rd round game between Brentford and Burnley in 1964-65 (when Dad says we really were good), Brentford had a home attendance of 30,448, which was the last time that they had a crowd above 20,000! Also, in the first League Cup, held in 1960/61, Burnley drew at Brentford with a full reserve team because of a forthcoming European Cup tie with Rheims. They then played the full first team in the replay, which is believed to be the only instance of a team fielding 22 different players to fulfill a major Cup tie. Didn’t know any of the Brentford team cos they haven’t played on the moving television, but seven goals scored in the last thirteen League games was nothing to be worried about.
The game kicked off in nice sunshine although a bit windy, which was good news for the Burnley fans on the open away terrace. The pitch was a bit wobbly but we still managed to knock the ball around well for the first quarter, except for that Grant bloke who my Dad says is a bit of banker or tanker or something like that. I don’t know what Dad means, but he was so very average that if he was a vegetable he would have been a potato. Taylor looked sharp but missed an early chance as did Blake with a thirty yard free kick, with their keeper certainly the busier of the two. It didn’t last, and Brentford improved as the half wore on, challenging mainly wide on Westy’s wing. Marlene had to tip over a header from Roget, but generally the new boy Brillo pad and Arthur were pretty comfortable. We just about shaded the half, though chances were rare and it was a bit dull. It must be said that at my school dull is the new interesting, and dreary the new pink.
Half time was a bit of a hoot with space for possibly six people in the toilets for the whole of the away end. I should have worn my wellies! There was an earthy odour apparent which could not have come from a bottle, but more from a deep aversion to showering.
The second half started with a stonking good Burnley goal begun with a Brentford corner. Branch met Hunt’s low driven corner at the near post, and then proceeded to charge to the halfway line to a point in front of the dugout before the corner taker. Having won the race he hammered the ball, cross field first time, to the corner of the Brentford penalty box where Blake shrugged off Frampton, picked his spot, and we were one up. It was a surreal experience as Branch had spent most of the first half mis-controlling, mis-passing, and generally being crap at football. A bit like my mate Mathew in our recent school ‘B’ team match.
From there it was pretty much all Brentford, although not many of their efforts were on target. Marlene tipped one or two headers over the bar, either side of saving at point blank range from Hunt after a Vines header hit a post. Arthur cleared off the line and blocked shots on numerous occasions. The linesman at the Burnley end tried his best to level the scores at this time with five decisions in a row, which my Dad described as puerile. I didn’t quite understand his description of the man in black nylon as ‘a refugee from a low budget Hamburg porn movie whose best years are behind him’. I am sure I will understand more as I get older. However the introduction of Glen Little for Blake made the game safe with vital input to two late goals. The first came from a Brentford defensive mistake on 86 minutes, which Glen retrieved and laid off to Paul Cook on the left hand side of the box, who finished with a flourish. The second was a typical piece of Glen individualism in the 89th minute, which he finished off himself with a side-foot as cool as a prized marrow. Game over.
I really enjoyed today, and as I am now officially a lucky mascot until we lose, my Dad might take me to more games. I particularly liked the Brillo pad who has a particularly good head-butt; and Arthur, who is crackers. Marlene had a great game, but my favourites are Glen and Blakey, who both had a great effect on the result. As I am bored now I will finish with a question from this week’s homework. How can you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
Subs not used: Michopoulos, McGregor, Papadopoulos.
Scorers: (Burnley) Blake 52, Cook 86, Little 89.
Referee: K Hill (Royston).
Attendance: 9,563.
Max's man of the match: Marlene.
Fifth Round at Last!